Friday, December 23, 2011

I remember a time when I was Afraid...

Time, or our human perception of time, moves really fast. A routine of mundane from here to there interactions that have no real meaning on this earth. The universe has no real care about who you love, what job you have or the amount of useless products you obtain. It cares nothing of if you are fat, ugly, beautiful or wise. It really has very little use for us! Despite all that it did give us a great bundle of gifts, the gifts being our senses. That gift is really what we are. It is what makes us who we perceive to be.

As far back as my mind allows me to recall I wanted to be an artist. Important influences in my life, being members of my family, where great artists. I would draw and paint trying to make a visual representation of the world around me for others to see. As a child I would struggle because what I was creating was not the image in my mind. It just never was the same and that made me afraid! That fear is what most people feel and eventually will give up on art. I was determined to not let that happen. My determination was weak.....I was afraid!!!

I am not about to give a history of my artistic life here today...(I will spare you all the details) but there where large stretches of time where I did not paint or draw. Being a musician, my artistic talents where diverted to the sense of hearing. It was just as worthy and noble but throughout time it became another useless job. The music business fools starts off being this wonderful world of creation and wonder, but then it turns on you and becomes a monster. Money and greed are the only thing that is really strives for. There is very little real truth in the music business. Those who say otherwise are lying! Sure, there are a small elite group of musicians that are not effected by its negative charms, but for the most part even ever dreaming of being a rock star or "making it" you are feeding that monster. After 20+ years I finally learned that lesson and gave it all up....all of it!.......I was afraid!!!

Last night I tried an experiment...I jumped out of my skin as the artist and looked, really looked, at my work as just a human. I noticed many things I had never seen before. It excited me! I got the same felling I get when looking at other artists work that catches my eye or I enjoy. Obviously it is very hard to separate ones self from your own work....... If accomplished it will show you things deep inside.......  Good and bad! The one thing it did bring to my mind was...... I am no longer afraid!!!

I am no longer afraid!!!.....saying those words out loud and meaning it can change your whole life. It happened without me even knowing it. I look at my work and see that I have no fear about what others really think. My work is ever changing...there are very little common threads between each work (besides the use of Yellow and Orange hehehe). I really paint whatever is interesting to me at the time. I go from abstract to semi-realistic to fantasy to weird to heritage to "who knows what I was thinking" shows me that I am not afraid!!!

"I AM NOT AFRAID" take some time and search your soul...see if this is how you truthfully feel about things in your may just change it!!!

Thanks for reading some of my overactive brain thoughts on this day....I know it is just a bunch of dribble but it has to find its way out of my brain somehow....Peace and Love to you!!!!


  1. Congratulations!

    I´m free of fear will take the very last afraidness away... we should say what we are instead of NOT, because it implements the negative... another view is, that fears are very worthful in their urban form, because they sharpen our awareness..

    In German speech I´ve often said to myself: Ich liebe meine Ängste, denn sie machen mich wachsam (I love my fears because they make me awake?) and that was my way to become free of them...

    Thanks for your overactive brain thoughts on this day :)

  2. Yes!! Your comments where beautiful Moo...Fear can be our can help us!! If I never felt afraid I would never know when I was not afraid...

  3. Thank you so much for sharing...its true, there's really no point in being afraid. I think I've learned that along the way, but tend to forget it from time to time. It's great to be reminded...your words have helped remind me of that today. Thank you!